who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
