On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize