and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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