Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
