You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize