weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
