No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
