i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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