she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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