Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
