The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
