I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
