Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
