jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
