We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
