thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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