so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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