I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
