I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
