Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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