yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
