If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
