dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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