I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
