Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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