Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
