that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
