I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
