She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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