i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
