walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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