dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
