so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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