Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sponge bath it is.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
