I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
