There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize