I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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