her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
