piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
