Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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