He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
