Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
