OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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