Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize