You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
