:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
