She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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