i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My bed smells like the plague
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
