is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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