you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The ass gains better be worth it
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