i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
