no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
