So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
