so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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