I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
