i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
