last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He better not be in your backpack
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
