I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
