the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
