What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
