Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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