Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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