Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
