im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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