You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
