I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
