it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
from now on my penis is your penis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
