I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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