Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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