Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
